Monday, August 06, 2007
NOTHING MUCH NEW ABOUT WHICH TO WRITE
This is a difficult era in my life in which to write in this journal. It doesn’t have to do with lack of time but rather, about what do I write?
Thinking of things about which to write isn’t hard but knowing whether or not to write my thoughts is more difficult. It is hard to know what things other people might be interested in. There are a bunch of topics I think about and would like to post in this journal. But as I sit down to write I think, “Who cares?” I don’t get much feedback from this journal so it is hard to know.
It is especially difficult to discern whether to write certain things at this point in my life. Karon’s death and the thoughts, feelings and events regarding that occurrence make up the major portion of my life right now. But I am well aware that as far as other people are concerned, I’m past the time when people think it should an issue.
So I am trying hard not to be one of those people who constantly talks about their deceased spouse. Those people can be real bores and I don’t want to become one of those—either in person or in this journal. If one becomes like that, when people see you coming, they turn and head the other way. Or if they can’t “escape”, get that “deer-in-the-headlights” glazed look in their eyes.
There are times I really feel a need to talk to someone -- like the other night standing in a checkout line at Wal-Mart. There’s no logical reason why that should have occurred in that setting at that time. But I was really the most overcome and overwhelmed I have been since Karon’s death. I did the only thing I knew to do without leaving my place in the very long checkout line! I called a dear friend who lives a long way from here. It probably wasn’t a convenient time for him because he was heading home from the grocery store. I didn’t talk long and I didn’t talk about how I was feeling at that time. But talking to him helped. I’m grateful for that and for his willingness to let me talk to him for a few minutes. But I try to keep that sort of thing to a minimum. I don’t just go calling people every time I feel the need to talk to someone. So the alternative would be to write in this journal. But the same danger of boring everyone exists. So until I become more imaginative in my selection of topics, I’m prone not to write at all. I hate that because I like writing. Oh well, maybe I’ll settle for being a “partial bore”!
posted by jim 8:21 AM 0 comments
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