Monday, July 16, 2007
“HOW ARE YOU DOING?” HOW DO I KNOW?
I am sure that at least a gazillion people have asked me, “How are you doing?” My answer depends on who is asking. If I think it is just a greeting or they are saying something because they don’t know what else to say, my response is, “O.K.” or something to that affect.
If I think the person asking that question really wants to know, my response could still sound flippant but I don’t mean it to be. I respond, “I don’t really know. Ask me again in a few weeks.” Not that I think I’ll know then either but I really don’t know how I am doing. In fact, I don’t know how I’m supposed to be doing.
From my reading and discussions with others I’d say what I’m feeling—both physically and emotionally—is “normal” (whatever that is!) for this stage in the grief process. I’m staying busy (as I said in the previous post) with work and the many details associated with the death of a spouse. I don’t dread going home at night nor do I dread going to bed. I don’t sleep long at night but I sleep fairly well when I am asleep. I am very tired a lot of the time. To be tired after I first get up in the mornings is unusual for me. I’ve always been tired at night after putting in a full day and evening of activities. But it is a bit unusual for me to be tired in the mornings and afternoons.
I don’t think I have any “dreads” or “fears”. There are some things associated with the aftermath of the death of a spouse that I’m not ready to do yet. Other things I’m ready to pitch in and accomplish.
I know it will all be okay. I just don’t know when. I also know that many of the legal and business details will drag on for a long time. My task-oriented, perfectionist nature wants everything to be accomplished immediately. But it just doesn’t work that way and intellectually I know that. But accepting that emotionally and physically is another matter! I anticipate that one of the biggest issues to untangle and solve will be the insurance issues. I’ve begun this process already and foresee difficulties. Example: two weeks ago I notified one of the life insurance companies of Karon’s death. The said they would mail a claim form right away. I have not received it so I called and they didn’t mail it until the day before yesterday. The funeral home would like to be paid. But I’m waiting on that insurance company. I am sure that is just one of the many tangles I’ll have to unravel.
Oh well!
Jim
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