Funkyjimmer's Blog

Sunday, July 29, 2007

ALL GOING WELL

I have had a great trip to St. Louis and a great visit with friends here. No problem getting around in St, Louis--even though there were lots of times of heavy rain on the drive to St. Louis and while finding my destination in the St. Louis area. But all went well and I'll be headed home this afternoon after church. Hopefully I won't drive in lots of rain on the trip home. But it has been a good trip. Gasoline is cheaper here, too!

We spent most of Saturday afternoon at the St. Louis Botanical Gardens. It was very impressive and very interesting. A pleasant way to spend part of a day with good friends.

More later,

Jim

posted by jim 9:04 AM 0 comments

Friday, July 27, 2007

FORMS, FORMS AND MORE FORMS

It seems that is what insurance companies and other agencies do well—produce forms. Various companies and agencies have sent me forms to complete. I have completed them, mailed them back, expecting the insurance companies to pay on the policies we for which we have paid premiums for a long time. What do I get back in the mail? More forms to complete and send back! At least I’m a good “form completer” (if there is such a word!)

I did some checking by telephone today. There is the expectation—based on information I received today—that I may get something in the mail besides more forms. I am sure the Funeral Home would appreciate some money as my bill there is still outstanding.

I’ve taken these past two days off work just to catch up on errands and tasks that need to be completed. It has been a good two days. I have accomplished a lot, including a trip to my area Social Security office to order a replacement social security card. I haven’t been able to find mine for quite a while. That experience went very well. In fact, through all this maze of forms, paperwork and phone calls, the Social Security Administration is the only agency that hasn’t stiff-armed me. They did everything they said they would in a very timely manner. They even returned the original documents I was required to send to them. Unbelievable! Now I speak a good word for the Social Security offices with whom I have had to deal.

I think I’m about ready to go to St. Louis to visit friends this weekend. They are going to Ireland for maybe three years because of his work. It should be fun to hang out with them if I can find my way around or through St. Louis.

My thanks to all who read this.

Jim

posted by jim 11:15 AM 1 comments

Monday, July 23, 2007

TRAVELING MAN

I hope to be a “Traveling Man”. I have places I want to go because at those locations are people about whom I care very much and want to spend some time with each of them.

Where do I want to go? This weekend I am going to St. Louis Missouri. I also want to visit people in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, North Carolina, Ohio, Canada and even Alaska. Two trips are already planned to Tuscaloosa, Alabama, to attend University of Alabama football games. One of these Alabama trips will take place in September and the other in November.

Will I get to all those other places? I don’t know but I certainly hope so. Some will be sooner, others later. Any of you reading this in one of those locations, don’t panic! I won’t just show up on your doorstep and say, “SURPRISE! I’M HERE!” You’ll be forewarned and I’d only come if it were convenient to everyone. Also, I have to get through the maze of legal and insurance entanglements that currently consume my time, energy and mental ingenuity. So far all that has happened is that various entities have sent me numerous forms to complete and return. I have done this but none of this form-completing-returning activity has produced any beneficial results.

But contemplating these trips helps me in adjusting to life without Karon right now. It helps to be able to look forward to seeing the people in these various locations because they mean so very much to me. No one can ever replace another in the heart. But each person with whom we have a special relationship has an important place in our hearts and lives. And I want to spend time with these people who are special to me in my life.

There are people like that right here in my home town, too. I hope to get to spend some time with each of them also. And that won’t require any travel—except maybe across town. But it does require time! I hope to make time to spend that quality time with people.

Be seeing you!

Jim

posted by jim 8:45 AM 0 comments

Monday, July 16, 2007

“HOW ARE YOU DOING?” HOW DO I KNOW?

I am sure that at least a gazillion people have asked me, “How are you doing?” My answer depends on who is asking. If I think it is just a greeting or they are saying something because they don’t know what else to say, my response is, “O.K.” or something to that affect.

If I think the person asking that question really wants to know, my response could still sound flippant but I don’t mean it to be. I respond, “I don’t really know. Ask me again in a few weeks.” Not that I think I’ll know then either but I really don’t know how I am doing. In fact, I don’t know how I’m supposed to be doing.

From my reading and discussions with others I’d say what I’m feeling—both physically and emotionally—is “normal” (whatever that is!) for this stage in the grief process. I’m staying busy (as I said in the previous post) with work and the many details associated with the death of a spouse. I don’t dread going home at night nor do I dread going to bed. I don’t sleep long at night but I sleep fairly well when I am asleep. I am very tired a lot of the time. To be tired after I first get up in the mornings is unusual for me. I’ve always been tired at night after putting in a full day and evening of activities. But it is a bit unusual for me to be tired in the mornings and afternoons.

I don’t think I have any “dreads” or “fears”. There are some things associated with the aftermath of the death of a spouse that I’m not ready to do yet. Other things I’m ready to pitch in and accomplish.

I know it will all be okay. I just don’t know when. I also know that many of the legal and business details will drag on for a long time. My task-oriented, perfectionist nature wants everything to be accomplished immediately. But it just doesn’t work that way and intellectually I know that. But accepting that emotionally and physically is another matter! I anticipate that one of the biggest issues to untangle and solve will be the insurance issues. I’ve begun this process already and foresee difficulties. Example: two weeks ago I notified one of the life insurance companies of Karon’s death. The said they would mail a claim form right away. I have not received it so I called and they didn’t mail it until the day before yesterday. The funeral home would like to be paid. But I’m waiting on that insurance company. I am sure that is just one of the many tangles I’ll have to unravel.

Oh well!

Jim

posted by jim 9:32 PM 0 comments

Thursday, July 12, 2007

ENOUGH TO KEEP ME BUSY

WOW! There are so many business and legal things to attend to and so much paperwork to be completed connected with Karon’s death. I can see why one doesn’t have time to grieve. But perhaps all this is a part of the grieving process. At least for me it is bringing closure to my life with Karon. So far I have had her name removed from our cars’ registrations and titles; our banking accounts, all our credit cards and our house mortgage. So far everything has gone smoothly with no complications. It is helpful that you can call most credit card companies 24/7. There was only one I had to call during daytime business hours.

Each removal of her name brings an added sense of finality—that it is over and she is really “gone”. I think that’s a good thing. And each time her name is successfully removed from some document there is an increasing sense of accomplishment. I think it’s all good—at least so far. We’ll see what the future brings.

For now the hardest thing for me without Karon is that there is so much I want to tell her. When I hear from someone I want to tell her. When someone does something special I want her to know it. Several people have said, “Go ahead and tell her.” I haven’t decided about that yet.

But I do thank all from who I have heard. The contacts have been strengthening and very helpful. My very special friend who lives way too far from me called over the weekend and that was encouraging. Another very good friend invited me to dinner tonight. That is much appreciated. I’m looking forward to that

Jim

posted by jim 5:24 PM 0 comments

Sunday, July 08, 2007

IN A WHIRLWIND

The past two weeks have been a whirlwind for me. It hardly seems like nearly two weeks since Karon went to be with the Lord. There has been so much to do to prepare for the Visitation and Memorial Service. Some people commented about the length of time between Karon's death and the memorial service. There were several reasons, plus I don't think we could have been ready a minute sooner.

The Friday after Karon's death was our middle daughter's birthday. None of us wanted to have the service that day. That same weekend our niece got married in Chicago and we didn't want to interfere with the activities for the wedding that had been planned and prepared so long in advance. So last Monday and Tuesday were the best days.

And we needed the time for preparation. Karon and I had done most of the pre-arrangements. The only thing we didn't do was select the cemetery plots. The fellow in charge of that decided he'd rather go to Florida than meet with us! But everything else was arranged. Still it took all day to make those last-minute details. Then there were pictures to select for the DVD; music to choose to go with the DVD; housing to arrange for out-of-town guests, and a "million" other decisions and things to arrange, including the details of the memorial service itself. Our youngest daughter (the only one married) said she thought this was worse than planning a wedding!

But after all was accomplished I look back and am satisfied that we did our best and that God and the Lord Jesus were glorified and that Karon would have been pleased. My only concern was that people who came to the visitation at the church had to stand in line for such a long time. But I don't know anyway that could have been changed. At least having the viewing in the church worship center there were seats along the aisle where people could sit while waiting for the line to move forward. I thank everyone who came, for honoring Karon and blessing the girls and me by being there and I thank you for waiting.

There's much more to journal about but I'll do so in installments.

Jim

posted by jim 6:25 PM 0 comments