Thursday, July 15, 2004
THOUGHTS ON RELATIONSHIPS
For years I have heard the old expression, “Opposites attract.” And they cite the positive and negative poles of a magnet, the earth, etc. as examples. Just as the positive and negative poles are drawn to one another, they say that it is true in human relationships, too – especially the male and female relationships of husband-and-wife – opposites always marry one another. Whenever I have read or heard that statement it has always been made in a positive way, as though that’s a good thing. The reason that I have most often heard is that the two opposite people can balance one another.
I am questioning that premise. My years of experience talking with and observing engaged and married couples has taught me that when people marry who are extremely opposite in so many ways, there will be a lifetime of struggle, strife, disappointment and heartache for both parties.
It seems that when two people need things from one another that neither can provide for the other in enough significant areas, it seems good that the relationship not continue toward marriage. Rather than the opposites fitting together to make a happy, peaceful, complete and united relationship, it results in conflict, strife and unhappiness for both people and for others also.
That doesn’t mean that if people who are extreme opposites marry that they are doing wrong. And it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be unhappy together. Nor does it mean that it couldn’t/wouldn’t work. I recognize that no two people are exactly alike. So when a couple marries there will be differences. In fact, if two people were to be very nearly alike, they probably shouldn’t marry either. I think that would make a different set of significant problems. I don’t know what those problems might be because I have not been in that specific situation.
But I strongly believe two people shouldn’t marry if there are sharp differences in a lot of significant areas. What are some significant areas? Well, I could list several but that would just be from my own perspective due to my experience.
Rather, I’d say significant areas would be defined as those areas that each person considers important and the two people significantly differ and both feel very strongly and uncompromising about those areas of difference. Or it might be areas where two people have sharp personality and/or temperament differences. Or they might have contrasting needs that the other person can never meet. When two people need things from one another that they just can’t offer one another any long-term relationship will probably not be happy. It certainly won’t be peaceful and probably not productive. (I’m not speaking in the “reproductive” sense!)
There you have my thoughts on the subject. What do you think?
Jim
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