Funkyjimmer's Blog

Sunday, October 26, 2003

THE WEDDING

A week ago yesterday, Saturday, October 18th, my Prayer and Accountability Partner got married. He is not just my Prayer and Accountability Partner. He is my best friend. He is the only best friend I have ever had so far. He’s the only Prayer Partner and best friend I’ve ever wanted. Probably the only one I’ll ever have or want. He’s “The Best”. God brought him into my life in a very unexpected way and at an unexpected time. He made the connection between us. God put the love in my heart slowly for this best friend. God has cultivated that love, grown it and sustained it. It is there to stay!

My Prayer Partner/Accountability Partner/Best friend is also my hero. I want to be like him in so many ways. I try to be like him, to do things like he does. His opinions and approval mean a lot to me. His prayers and his accountability toward me have sustained me in life. I owe this man so much. And he is so much younger than I. Yet that doesn’t seem to matter to him. I know it doesn’t to me.

Sadly, I’ve hurt him, too. He’s forgiven me, I know. But I am having difficulty forgiving myself. I know I can’t forget it. I live with the awful memory of it. I hate that I thoughtlessly said and did what I did. But I can’t undo it.

He is my alter ego. He is the quintessential friend and Christian. This great guy has let me bare my heart and soul to him. I’ve let him see way inside me, inside my heart, my “guts”, where only one other (my dear Internet friend) has ever been allowed. Because of this, he has helped me grow to a holiness and a purity I’ve never before achieved – and never would have achieved if he hadn’t invested his life in me.

I had never loved or trusted a friend like this guy until God put him in my life.

I write all this with a heart full of emotion; with tears in my eyes, crying in my heart. I’ve been crying for a long time.

Why am I writing this? I don’t know. I have wanted to tell my best friend all these things. I’ve tried, but I get all emotional and can’t say what’s in my heart. Yet he’ll possibly never read this. I don’t know.

I’m also writing this because I’m grieving. I still want him to be my best friend. But now he’s married. I feel like I’ve lost him. I love him so and I’m hurting so. Oh, I’m so happy for him. He has married a wonderful girl. I have to fight to not be jealous of her because she gets to some of the time with him I used to get to spend. Yep, I’m jealous. I know its wrong, but I am. I’ll work on letting God help me overcome that.

The most frustrating thing is that no one seems to understand my feelings or why I would even feel the way I do. I feel so alone because my friend is married and because no one seems to understand how I feel or why I would feel this way. So I’m hurting. And no one seems to care. (Well, my faith says God cares. And I’m relying on my faith to get me through this time. But I am so weak right now.)

It was a beautiful wedding. My friend gave me the extreme privilege and honor of having a part in the ceremony. He will never know that just allowing me to do that is what let me get through the day. I cried a lot before the wedding ceremony, a little during the ceremony and a lot again afterward.

It was the most Christian wedding I have ever been privileged to be a part of. It was so godly and Christ-centered from start to finish, and everything in between. The wedding party was absolutely a terrific witness. It is a positive reflection on both the Bride and Groom that they had such great Christian friends in their party. Every action, every word, every toast—just everything said and done by their friends in the wedding party was so Christian. Christ was so much at home at that event.

I am praying my friend and I will continue to have a strong friendship and relationship now that he is married. I pray that he and his wife will have a great relationship with my wife and me. I am praying so hard that he will want to continue to be my Prayer and Accountability Partner. I want to continue to be His. But will we? I just don’t know. I pray so.

Right now I feel such a loss. I feel so alone. I am hurting. I am grieving. I hope for comfort and relief soon. But maybe this feeling of loss and hurt will never go away. I just don’t know.

But I am so happy for my friend. I am praying that they have a safe and enjoyable Honeymoon trip. Oh, gosh, how I love him!

I don’t think I can write any more without really bursting out crying. And I don’t want to have to explain why I am crying to people around me.

Sorry this is such a stinkin’ post!

Jim

posted by jim 6:11 PM 0 comments

Monday, October 20, 2003

LACK OF POSTS

I know, I know -- I haven’t blogged as regularly as I promised! I have wanted to post a couple of times a week. Or at the very least, weekly. Now it has been almost two weeks. I also realize that I have stated that I don’t want to blog so much about myself. This isn’t a journal is it? No, I guess it isn’t.

I apologize and here are my excuses. These past couple of weeks have been difficult and unpleasant. My focus has been too much on myself. I have missed absorbing some significant, world-shaking events. Canada’s Supreme Court rejected a request by religious and family groups to appeal the Ontario court ruling allowing gay marriage, effectively letting it stand as the law of the land. At least 1,000 gay and lesbian couples have married in Ontario and British Columbia since lower courts ruled in June that existing marriage laws were discriminatory. Ottawa is preparing a draft bill with a new definition of marriage for the Supreme Court to examine in the Spring. Also, the Anglican church is being ripped apart by this issue, as are other church groups. It is very much an issue in America as well. I have some opinions on these issues which I’d wanted to rant about in my blog. ‘Cause I can’t agree Biblically with much of what I’m reading.

But I’m dealing with some physical issues in my life that have necessitated that I undergo what to me was a very scary and unpleasant series of biopsies. I alluded to that fear two blogs back. I want to say for those who read my blogs, that thanks to the prayers of the one friend with whom I felt secure enough at this time to confess these fears, God has answered his prayers and the fear left me the day before the procedure was scheduled. He prayed for me throughout the day of the biopsies, too. And although the experience of having the 8 biopsies was unpleasant and somewhat painful (no anesthetic—UGH!) I endured and actually was calm and had no fear up to and including the procedure. And I’ve done well since. Now I await the scary results. But my calm and lack of fear are prevailing. This dear friend of mine is a really effective prayer warrior! I absolutely know his prayers are responsible for my calmness. I am so thankful to have a friend like that who loves me enough to let me be open and honest with him so that I can have the benefit of his love, prayers and encouragement! I love him so much—and I haven’t yet had the pleasure of actually meeting him! *Sigh* Maybe some day!

But as traumatic as was this procedure and the fearful days leading to it, and now these days of awaiting the results, that wasn’t the most difficult thing about these past couple of weeks. I want to explain more in detail the most difficult occurrence in my life in the past week. But I don’t have time now so I’m going to post this for now. Look for another Post very soon for further explanation. I promise!

Jim

posted by jim 2:24 PM 0 comments

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

RANT ABOUT ATROCITY – MAN’S INHUMANITY TO MAN

I feel a rant coming on! I want this to be more than just a rant against something. But I’m afraid that’s what it’s going to be. I feel so strongly passionate about this I’m afraid I won’t be very organized.

I have a Christian Brother in another country that I have come to love more than I probably would love a “flesh-and-blood” brother. (I never had one so I don’t really know.) A recent email from him has served to crystallize thoughts I have had for quite some time.

My friend has been reading articles on how his country took land and rights from the First Nations people. It is no different in America. Our history is as sordid, if not more so, than the history of my friend’s country. What we did to our First Nations people is absolutely unconscionable. We brutally inflicted starvation without compassion and meted out violence without provocation. Then we wondered why the First Nations people reacted so violently. Duh! Who was violent first? Who was uncompassionate first! Who brought atrocity upon atrocity upon these first nations people?

We brutally forced them into smaller and smaller land areas. Land areas for the most part that were the least desirable. Finally we “corralled” them like animals on “Reservations”, thinking that was all that was necessary. Usually these “Reservations” were not in the most desirable locations nor were they the most desirable or productive property.

Then add to this what was done for so many years to the Black community in America. And none of this has really ceased – either to the First Nations people or the Black community.

And we like to proclaim that we are a “Christian Nation”! Ha! I have been reading again the history of Israel and Judah. They WERE God’s chosen. Yet their behavior was so erratic. Like a yo-yo they alternated between obedience and disobedience; between faithfulness and unfaithfulness. God’s punishment was delivered over and over.

Why do we, or any other nation, think we should escape God’s wrath and punishment? We Americans seem so pious; so self-righteous. I’m talking about the Christian community in American, not our hell-bent brother in the world! Why, in God’s name, do we think we should escape punishment? Why should God treat us any differently than He did his disobedient children, Israel and Judah? Just this morning I was reading the prophet Jeremiah. I was struck by chapter 12, verse 17: “But if any nation does not listen, I will completely uproot and destroy it,” declares the Lord.

I’ve gotten myself in a bit of trouble at church a few times recently by suggesting that America is not a “Christian Nation”! But I stand by my statements. Consider these facts from the George Barna Research Group:
· Nearly half of adults questioned said they formed moral choices based on what gave them pleasure or made them feel good. Only one in four said they relied on religious principles or Bible content for decisions.
· On abortion, homosexuality, and sexual fidelity, six out of ten said co-habitation (that’s “shacking up” without benefit of the marriage commitment) is acceptable.
· The Bible says divorce is allowed (not required) only after adultery or desertion, but nearly two-thirds of adults said divorce is not a sin in any instance.
· Half of all adults said watching a movie with explicit sexual behavior is morally acceptable.

Barna’s researchers concluded that: “the emerging generation of parents is the least likely of any demographic subgroup in the nation to possess and transit Biblical moral values…. Within the next quarter century we will likely see a state of radical moral amnesia in America.”

“Christian Nation!” Ha! I stand by my statement. Regardless of what we may put on our coins or our currency, we are NOT a Christian nation. I personally think it is high time we were at least honest and admitted it.

True, we have been greatly blessed by God. (Why, I’m not sure!) I do have a sense of patriotism. I am thankful I live in this country. I enjoy the blessings and the “creature comfort” that comes from living here. And I am thankful for that.

But I do not consider this an “entitlement” from God. It is simply another demonstration of His Grace. Rather than being smug and self-confident, I (and all citizens) should be grateful. But we’re not! In a little more than a month we will celebrate “Thanksgiving Day”. But we will simply be thankful for a day or two off work. We will miss the point of the day.

I have to quit. You are probably tired of this and I’m getting too worked up. Because I don’t know what I’m going to do about it!

Jim

posted by jim 11:23 AM 0 comments

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

posted by jim 8:02 AM 0 comments

posted by jim 7:58 AM 0 comments

OVERCOMING THE FEAR FACTOR -- FROM THEORY TO PRACTICE – It is harder to practice than to theorize

I spoke at church for 3 Sundays recently on this topic of overcoming fear. I chose to do so because:
A. I know I am a fear-prone person and thought it would be helpful to
me in being able to overcome my fears.
B. I thought the teaching would help a lot of people in my church who
may struggle with this as I do.
C. I thought it would help our church get ready for our “40 Days of
purpose Campaign. It seemed that using these Bible principles would help all of us overcome our fear of something different and get us to be willing to get out of our comfort zones so God can do great things with and through us during and after the 40 Days of Purpose.

Now I know God had another purpose in mind in addition to these. I believe He is saying to me, “Jim, here is a chance to ‘Practice what you preach!’”

I went to a Medical Specialist today and what he told me, following a thorough exam, was scary. Now I am petrified. So what do I do? The choice is up to me. I am praying (and would ask any who read this who know me to pray also) that I will choose to follow Biblical principles and deal with my fear, not continue in it. Now I have to move from the THEORY of how to overcome fear in my life, to the actual practice of the Biblical principles I have been teaching and writing on the subject in these Blogs

In other Blogs I have suggested 2 steps that I believe are Biblical that we should take to overcome fear: STEP 1: BE SURE OF YOUR SALVATION; BE SURE YOU ARE RIGHT WITH GOD. And STEP 2: TAKE TIME TO DEVELOP A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. Now let me suggest a third principle:

Step 3: PRACTICE SELF-CONTROL, SELF-DISCIPLINE. 2nd Timothy 1:7 says: “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity {fear}, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” I guess this means that if I have a spirit of fearfulness in my life I didn’t get it from God. If I didn’t get it from God, I must have gotten it from Satan.

This verse also tells me that self-discipline did come from God. It seems that I evidence for whom I am living by how I live! OUCH! This takes away my “excuses” for allowing myself to continue living a fearful life.

I’d like to clarify something right here: I am not saying that we shouldn’t be afraid of anything. There are things, people, circumstances that we would do well to fear. What I refer to in these Blogs is being in a state of constant fearfulness.
From the 2nd Timothy Scripture it would seem that our phobias – irrational fears (see a previous Blog for a list of phobias) -- result from our lack of self-control or self-discipline.

Scripture seems to teach that God’s love flowing through us to others drives away fear. At least that is what 1st John 4:18 seems to teach me: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

So to help me be able to control my fears, I need to find others upon which to pour out the love of God. That isn’t hard to if I am really willing to do it. So I guess we should ask, “How’s your love life?” Jesus said, “If you love me, keep my commandments.” (John 14:15) His commandments are many. One of the clearer sets of commands regarding doing for others is found in Matthew 25:35-36. I suggest that you read that passage. It tells us that when we’ve done something (or not done something) for others it is the same as having done (or not done) something for Jesus. That passage is a good prescription for showing God’s love.

Most of us don’t do this because of our selfish nature. Fear and selfishness go hand-in-hand. To get rid of fear we need to conquer selfishness in our lives.

I think I’ve written enough on the subject. I need to move from theory to practice. That’s going to be the hard part. But the Medical Specialist has given me a concrete reason to focus on overcoming my fears.

Please pray for me.

Jim

posted by jim 5:18 AM 0 comments