Saturday, August 02, 2003
SO, HOW MANY “FRIENDS” DO I HAVE?
Well, how would I know?
I must examine the Biblical marks of friendship. I discussed one of them in the previous Blog – an intentional decision to give one’s life for a friend if necessary. There are others.
As I read about this in the Bible, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE surfaces quickly as another mark of true, Biblical friendship. This is a hard concept and may be nearly as defining as being willing to give one’s physical life for another person. I often ask myself, “Can I love unconditionally?” Then I follow that with another question, “What is “unconditional” love?” I think this is hard to comprehend, let alone practice. We are told that to be Christian we are to love unconditionally as God does. I know I am not able to do this very often or very thoroughly. I KNOW I can’t do anything perfectly, as God does.
It seems to me that there are 2 parts to Unconditional Love that have to be kept in proper balance, or you won’t be practicing Biblical unconditional love. It will just be a hollow facsimile of unconditional love. And that is worse than no love or friendship at all. The 2 parts are COMMITMENT and CONFRONTATION. I’d like to write about COMMITMENT in this Blog entry. The next Post will be about CONFRONTATION.
This subject of friendship has caused me to spend some time in Proverbs. This book of Wisdom Literature deals a lot with the subject of friendships I hope this Blog doesn’t get “preachy” but my base for everything is the Bible standards, as I understand them. I don’t mean to say I always follow those standards, because I don’t. But that’s the “base line” for my thinking.
There is a neat verse in Proverbs, 17:17, which says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” This verse is remarkable to me because of the context of Proverbs. The book of Proverbs deals a lot with the danger in false friendships. This verse tells me that not all “friendships” meet the tests of true friendship. They aren’t even good acquaintances! A lot of people have been swindled out of money, physical property and maybe even more devastating, they have been swindled out of their trust and faith in humanity and even in God. This happens because people use others for their own advantage rather than making a commitment to the person.
This verse from Proverbs teaches me that true friendship GIVES more than it RECEIVES. Sure there are reciprocal blessings in true friendship, but it must begin with the person who is willing to take the initiative.
It reminds me of “SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION”, which is not really so “spontaneous”. It is the act of a substance bursting into flame without anyone setting it on fire. The heat produced by chemical action within a substance itself causes it to catch fire. But this takes time to happen. That’s true of Biblical friendships, too. They take time and commitment to develop.
I have wondered lately if practicing unconditional love would be easier for a blind person. Perhaps they wouldn’t be subjected to the usual prejudices that sighted people have to overcome. Friendships developed through the Internet might be the same. Cyberspace provides the same “advantage” that a blind person realizes.
But I don’t think being unable to see another person either because of blindness or cyberspace is the answer to being able to make a commitment to a friendship. It may result in a quicker beginning to what develops into a friendship. But it doesn’t take long for a person without eyesight or a person communicating through cyberspace to realize what the other person is really like. And friendships—like marriages—must be based on more than physical qualities. Neither should friendships be avoided because of physical attributes (or the lack of them). Lasting, Biblical friendships depend more on the inner qualities than the outer ones.
So to express unconditional love I must be willing to make a commitment to friendship with a person. And the truth is we all only have so much time, physical and emotional energy to make the kind of commitment required to be and have a true, Biblical friendship.
So, commitment is one component of being able to love unconditionally. The other component is “Confrontation.” I’ll try to discuss this in my next Blog.
Jim
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