Funkyjimmer's Blog

Friday, August 29, 2003

“OVERCOMING THE FEAR FACTOR”

You may have seen the T. V. program, “FEAR FACTOR”. This is the program where people are doing the most awful things -- escapades that would strike fear in the heart of most people. These people risk doing these things for a large sum of money. It is nearly unbelievable what some people will attempt to endure for money.

I have said before I am a “fear-prone” person. I could never even approach doing any of the things they have done on that T. V. program. In fact, I have never watched more than just the opening few seconds of the program a couple of times. That was enough to gross me out.

But God doesn’t want us to go through life under the cloud of fear. God wants to release us from the fears that haunt and bind us. The Bible says, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (fear), but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

It isn’t only the non-Christian in the world that is fearful. Research shows that many active, church-going, born-again Christians are as fearful as the people in the world.

Extreme fear can be an awful thing. Though sometimes ridiculous and childish. I have always had “acrophobia” an extreme fear of heights. I remember one time I was on the roof of my one-story house and completely froze with fear. I’m still not sure how they got me off that roof. I’m not sure why or how I got up there in the first place! But I know I lost all sense of rationality and screamed like a mad-man!

Fear often keeps us from the spiritual service and effectiveness that God has for us. It also blocks us from receiving the peace that Jesus said He gives. I have a list of 57 things that people are afraid of—literally from “A” to “Z”. I’ll post the list sometime soon.

There is a fear that ignores the voice of reason and of the Holy Spirit. And there is that mellow, gray, soothing fear that delays and fogs the issues, that fosters indecision, that finds it easy to settle down for a while.

The Greek New Testament defines fear as “being scared, dread, terror cowardice and timidity.”

God is not the source of any of these common characteristics of mankind. The problem is our sin nature.

It is significant that when Adam and Eve sinned they became AFRAID of God. (Genesis 3:10) We are no different today. Many are afraid of God and His Will. If I follow Him then there might be sickness, loneliness, poverty, failure and maybe even death.

There is a reverential fear, a good kind of fear. There is that wholesome dread of displeasing God. Hebrews 12:28 says, “….Let us have grace, whereby we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear.” I am not concerned about godly fear. I am concerned that so many of God’s people are experiencing the kind of fear that Satan uses to bind us.

Fear is the signal to refocus our affections on things above rather than on things of this earth. (Colossians 3:2)

Fear will keep people from leaving their “comfort zone”, the “old way” of thinking, of doing things. It will keep people from finding and fulfilling God’s purposes for their lives.

I’m thinking and studying my way through this subject, trying to understand what God says in the Bible we who are fear-prone can do to overcome that. In future Blogs I’ll try to let you know what I come up with!

Jim

posted by jim 1:02 AM 0 comments

Saturday, August 23, 2003

I AM SO HONORED

I recently learned that my Blogspot has been added as a link to a Journal. Jenn Ho has added me. I don't think I've ever veen added as a link to a Journal or Blog before. I am so honored and humbled, too. Thanks, Jenn!

UNCOMPROMISING LOYALTY

I think what I am really talking about here is being able to sustain a relationship.

I like what Proverbs 27:9 & 10 says: “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one friend springs from his earnest counsel. Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father………”

1Corinthians 13:7, says, “If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.”

I have always considered the friendship of David and Jonathan one of the best examples of a sustained relationship. As I read about their friendship I see exemplified a lot of what I have been writing in these Blogs. This was a friendship where one was willing to die for the other.

To be a sustaining friendship it seems that it must also be a stimulating relationship. That seems to be the message behind that familiar verse in Proverbs: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” (27:17)

There are a few people whom I can’t be around without coming away a better person. My Prayer and Accountability partner is one of those. He is my hero. He blesses me every time I am privileged to associate with him. I want to be like him; to do things like him. I stop short of making him my idol because that is against the Biblical teaching and no one or no thing is worthy of being idolized. I worship God only. But my Prayer/Accountability partner is my hero. I am better because of him.

I don’t know if anyone can say that of me but that would be my goal in my friendships.

Throughout these Blogs I have continued to ask, “How many friends do I have?”
As usual, I have been asking the wrong question. If we are so concerned with finding the kind of friend I have been discussing in these Blogs, then we’ve got it all backward.

It doesn’t really matter how many friends I have or don’t have. What really
matters is, “Am I willing to be this kind of friend to others?” If the answer is “Yes,” then I don’t really have to wonder or worry about how many friends I have.
It is pointless. God wants me to concern myself with being a Biblical friend to as many people as possible.

So I’ve got to stop looking and start praying that God will help me be that kind of friend. And my model for this is Jesus. The Bible says, “…..but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24b) Of course that friend is Jesus. He is my ultimate model for friendship. He shows me unconditional love. (John 3:16; Romans 5:6-8). He gives me uncompromising loyalty. (John 6:37; Hebrews 13:5-6)

Real friendship begins when we know the FRIEND of all FRIENDS. Then we can let Him help us be the kind of friend we want someone to be to us.

Lord, help me to be a true, Biblical friend.

Jim

posted by jim 11:38 AM 0 comments

Thursday, August 14, 2003

TRANSPARENCY, OPENNESS

so, how many friends do I have? Still trying to decide!

As I read Scripture, it seems that transparency or an openness between people is another important but difficult-to-achieve ingredient of true, Biblical friendship.

Jesus said (John 15:15), “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”

When I honestly ask myself, “Why don’t I have more friends, I know part of the answer. (Ouch! This hurts. But my sense of honesty demands I go ahead and express it here.)

They say every person is either anger-prone or fear-prone. I, of course, am fear-prone. This has led to multiple problems for me over the years. I suppose I could say that in some ways I have improved. I am not nearly as fearful of heights as I was in my younger years. But my fear-prone nature still causes me a lot of misery and grief, and probably a lot of misery for others, too. But it explains one of the reasons why many people, myself included, don’t have more true, Biblical friendships.

It is because of my innate fear of rejection. I don’t want to be open with you because I fear that if you really knew what I was like, you’d never want to be my friend. And my fear-prone nature says I can’t afford that risk. That fear keeps a lot of people from coming to Christ. They just don’t believe that God could love and accept them if He knew what they were really like. And they fool themselves into thinking God doesn’t really know what they are like! I spent a lot of years thinking I could fool God like this.

That same fear is one reason why a husband doesn’t have a closer relationship with his wife. Why does it take us so long to become open and transparent in a marriage or a friendship? Sooner or later, given enough time and opportunity, reality breaks through. We drop the “whole ball of wax”. When that happens, that friend or that lovely lady looks us straight in the face and says, “That’s o.k.. I love you.” When that happens the façade we present disappears.

John’s comment about Jesus is fascinating when I think about my fear of transparency before my friends or before God. He said, “Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the last.” (John 13:1-Alternate reading)

Why did He love them? It was not because he had no basis for repudiating them. They had dropped the ball on many occasions. In fact, in the most critical hours they were “out to lunch” – no where to be found. They let Him down so many times.

But He loved them because His friendship with them didn’t depend on them or any good thing they may have done. It depended on Himself. That’s where Biblical friendships begin – when we (with God’s help) concern ourselves more with being a friend and not worry so much about having a friend.

A fairly new friend whom I am growing to love so much wrote me regarding this subject recently. He understands me thoroughly as far as my fears of rejection and that sort of thing because he put me at ease and I have come to trust him with knowledge about myself that I’ve told no one else. He really had words of wisdom for me. This is what he wrote:

“….you also need to give your friends room to love you!
It seems as if you pour and pour and pour and you don’t let
people return their love with similar ease. …You’ve got
to give people room to love you!”

Words of wisdom, indeed. But how do I do that? I just don’t know. But I know I must try.

So how many friends do I have? I don’t know. I’m not sure that I will ever know!

I guess I’ll leave this entry at that. I’ve got some more thoughts on this complicated matter of friendship that I’ll save for my next Blog. My computer has had the virus and the worm that has affected so many computers around the world this week, so I haven’t been able to post as often as I would like. Hopefully it is restored now.

Jim

posted by jim 10:32 PM 0 comments

Thursday, August 07, 2003

CONFRONTATION

It may seem strange that I would consider confrontation a part of Unconditional Love necessary to a Biblical friendship. Remember I said these two, Commitment and Confrontation, must be kept in proper balance.

Again, much of my thinking about Biblical friendship comes from my study of the Book of Proverbs. Here is what chapter 27, verses 5 & 6 say: “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

It says wounds from a friend are to be trusted, not enjoyed! I have experienced this. One whom I consider my best friend openly rebuked me. It hurt but it was truthful. It has taken time for those wounds to heal. But they were like the wounds of the surgeon’s knife—meant to cure, not destroy. And I believe they did. They caused me to re-examine my life in critical areas regarding the friendship. I am trying to re-vamp my attitudes and actions. I like to think I am succeeding and am slowly becoming a better person and I hope a better friend because I have a faithful friend who was willing to confront me when I needed correcting.

In our generation there is a softness that is a weakness rather than a strength. This weakness often masquerades as compassion. It is not compassionate to let anyone or any relationship head for certain disaster and destruction without doing what you can to stop them.

I must have such a strong commitment to my friend and our relationship that I am willing to confront. I thank God that I have such a friend. A weakness of my personality is that I avoid confrontation. I need to be willing to set that characteristic aside and Biblically confront if necessary.

I am not advocating arbitrary confrontation. I’m stressing a friendship that has already been developed. In the New Testament, rebuke is always on the basis of relationship. The moment I begin to build a relationship I am compelled to develop also a relationship of confrontation. I must always follow Biblical principles when I confront. Such things as, “Speak the truth in love,” and others. I must do it in the spirit of Galatians 6:1. (I’ll let you look that one up!) This is part of being an Accountability Partner—asking those hard questions and being willing to answer those hard questions truthfully and completely myself.

So in addition to being willing to lay one’s life down for a friend, I think Unconditional Love is another mark of Biblical friendship. Unconditional love that includes commitment and confrontation.

In my next Blog I want to write about another mark of Biblical friendship that is hard to practice—at least for me. Are there no easy ones?

Jim

posted by jim 7:59 PM 0 comments

Saturday, August 02, 2003

SO, HOW MANY “FRIENDS” DO I HAVE?

Well, how would I know?

I must examine the Biblical marks of friendship. I discussed one of them in the previous Blog – an intentional decision to give one’s life for a friend if necessary. There are others.

As I read about this in the Bible, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE surfaces quickly as another mark of true, Biblical friendship. This is a hard concept and may be nearly as defining as being willing to give one’s physical life for another person. I often ask myself, “Can I love unconditionally?” Then I follow that with another question, “What is “unconditional” love?” I think this is hard to comprehend, let alone practice. We are told that to be Christian we are to love unconditionally as God does. I know I am not able to do this very often or very thoroughly. I KNOW I can’t do anything perfectly, as God does.

It seems to me that there are 2 parts to Unconditional Love that have to be kept in proper balance, or you won’t be practicing Biblical unconditional love. It will just be a hollow facsimile of unconditional love. And that is worse than no love or friendship at all. The 2 parts are COMMITMENT and CONFRONTATION. I’d like to write about COMMITMENT in this Blog entry. The next Post will be about CONFRONTATION.

This subject of friendship has caused me to spend some time in Proverbs. This book of Wisdom Literature deals a lot with the subject of friendships I hope this Blog doesn’t get “preachy” but my base for everything is the Bible standards, as I understand them. I don’t mean to say I always follow those standards, because I don’t. But that’s the “base line” for my thinking.

There is a neat verse in Proverbs, 17:17, which says, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” This verse is remarkable to me because of the context of Proverbs. The book of Proverbs deals a lot with the danger in false friendships. This verse tells me that not all “friendships” meet the tests of true friendship. They aren’t even good acquaintances! A lot of people have been swindled out of money, physical property and maybe even more devastating, they have been swindled out of their trust and faith in humanity and even in God. This happens because people use others for their own advantage rather than making a commitment to the person.

This verse from Proverbs teaches me that true friendship GIVES more than it RECEIVES. Sure there are reciprocal blessings in true friendship, but it must begin with the person who is willing to take the initiative.

It reminds me of “SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION”, which is not really so “spontaneous”. It is the act of a substance bursting into flame without anyone setting it on fire. The heat produced by chemical action within a substance itself causes it to catch fire. But this takes time to happen. That’s true of Biblical friendships, too. They take time and commitment to develop.

I have wondered lately if practicing unconditional love would be easier for a blind person. Perhaps they wouldn’t be subjected to the usual prejudices that sighted people have to overcome. Friendships developed through the Internet might be the same. Cyberspace provides the same “advantage” that a blind person realizes.

But I don’t think being unable to see another person either because of blindness or cyberspace is the answer to being able to make a commitment to a friendship. It may result in a quicker beginning to what develops into a friendship. But it doesn’t take long for a person without eyesight or a person communicating through cyberspace to realize what the other person is really like. And friendships—like marriages—must be based on more than physical qualities. Neither should friendships be avoided because of physical attributes (or the lack of them). Lasting, Biblical friendships depend more on the inner qualities than the outer ones.

So to express unconditional love I must be willing to make a commitment to friendship with a person. And the truth is we all only have so much time, physical and emotional energy to make the kind of commitment required to be and have a true, Biblical friendship.

So, commitment is one component of being able to love unconditionally. The other component is “Confrontation.” I’ll try to discuss this in my next Blog.

Jim

posted by jim 9:21 AM 0 comments