Tuesday, July 15, 2003
I’m really unhappy with myself right now! Maybe “dissatisfied” would be a more accurate word. Hardly anyone seems to understand. I think my prayer partner does. I know my new Internet friend completely understands. He has helped me think through, accept and finally be able to express my feelings. That’s what this Blog is all about. But so many with whom I interact on a daily or weekly basis seem to think I should feel “on top of the world” because there are so many “positives” in my life right now. They say (in one form or another) “Count your many blessings!”
I KNOW my blessings. But I also know I am dissatisfied with myself. I am dissatisfied because I disappoint my God; my wife. I am dissatisfied because a couple of months ago I messed up a relationship that, next to my wife and kids, is the most important relationship on earth to me. I hurt someone whom I admire, respect and love dearly. I lost the trust of that person. How much worse can it get?
When I am “down” (sad, melancholy, whatever you want to call it) it is harder to maintain my Quiet Times with God. Yet that is when I need them the most! So I struggle on and what do you know—God speaks to me through His Word. Surprise, surprise, surprise!! (I hope you catch the sarcasm in those words!)
I find that I am in good company when I read the Bible. So many people have the notion that what we call the “Good Book” is full of stories about “good” people. That is nonsense. If people would really read the Bible instead of feeding on little selected snippets they may hear in church, they’d probably be shocked at the human behavior depicted in the Bible. I mean there’s treachery, adultery, fornication, lying, stealing, murder, violence of every kind. If Christians were really consistent, they would be demanding that the Bible be banned from school libraries, as well as other books. (I’m not advocating this, you understand. But that would be consistency to its logical conclusion.)
But as I started to say, when I read the Bible I find there are a lot of folks with reasons to be dissatisfied with themselves, as I am with myself. Instead of a collection of pleasant stories of good people and pictures of an idyllically happy human family there are statements like, “There is none righteous, no not one.” “When I looked for good, then evil came.” “For there is not a just person on earth, that does good and doesn’t sin.”
And if you want to object by saying that these are just quotes from the more angry of the Old Testament writers, what about the plain words of Jesus Himself, “Why do you call me good? There is none good but one, that is, God.” From one end of the Bible to the other the word “good’ is applied almost exclusively to God. Seldom do we read without qualification of a “good man” or a “good woman”. About the only one I can think of is Barnabas. Acts says, “He was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and faith…..” And he was only called good because he was filled with God’s Spirit. Certainly there was no “goodness” of his own.
The Apostle Paul nails it for me when he wrote in Romans, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” He said more but that is the essence. Check it out in Romans 7:14-25.
Lest you think I have “gone over the edge”, I assure you that I have studied the Bible enough to realize that Barnabas isn’t the only character in the Bible who is recognized as good. There are hundreds who are said to have done good in the sight of God. But that goodness isn’t solely of themselves. What is revealed in the Bible is that all of us are infected with the badness the Bible calls sin. Paul said, “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23)
I have a lot more to say about this subject of sin but I guess that’s about all anyone has time to read now (if even this much!) My next Blog will continue on this theme. And I’ll continue to wrestle with myself!!
Jim
posted by jim 8:10 PM 0 comments
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